It was one of those tests where my oldest son threw an ugly fit because he wasn't ready for school in time. As his panic increased so did his rage.
Rewind to Friday when I went to a few classes at BYU education week.
Joy and Gary Lundberg re-taught me something I was able to practice this morning.
1. Validate their feelings.
2. Establish the boundary with kindness, gentleness, love, and firmness.
Me: You sound pretty frustrated that you're not ready for school.
Child (screaming at me): Yea, well you're FINALLY noticing.
Me: Sounds like you're really having a tough time?
Child (sreaming at me): Duh, mom!? I'm not going to school now. Throwing his bike onto the driveway.
Me: (saying a silent prayer. Please help me to say the right things. I didn't get angry or yell at him. I actually genuinely felt sorry for him not getting a good start to his day.) If I drive you to school, you'll have to walk home because you won't have your bike. Is that what you want to do?
This child continued to rage and fume. I stayed calm, loving, and sympathetic.
Infact, you know what the Lundbergs said on Friday? They said that when you establish a clear boundary it gets worse before it gets better. They told stories that taught this well. Now I have one of my own.
Once in the car he broke his pencil and then pulled the sun visor out of the car ceiling, ruining the van. I was shocked but I said very lovingly, "Wow that will cost a lot of money to fix." I resisted the urge to say anything else.
Do you understand how monumnetal this is? Today I didn't yell. I was kind and loving. I was gentle AND firm. It's like the coming together of years of reading books, going to seminars, and classes.
Oh, yes I know there will be more tests. I'm just not ready to move on to those until I celebrate this one.
4 comments:
yay Jenn! Good for you. It's one thing to sit in those classes and learn all the right things to do. It's another thing entirely to actually get it right! Congratulations!
Nice work! I would have failed miserably.
You are my hero. Seriously!
I really wish I would have read this post yesterday morning. My 14 year old and I had a MAJOR blow up. And I yelled. And Yelled. And then yelled a little more just in case she wasn't listening (unfortunately for me, she was.). Congrats on staying so calm and loving! Hopefully my success story is just around the corner!
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