Ok, so the song is really Hello Darkness My Old Friend, which works too, for the mood I'm in right now. I woke up with this Simon & Garfunkel song in my head this morning. Just that line.
I had a job interview on Friday for a teaching job at a nearby Jr. High starting in the Fall. I got an email later that afternoon that the job had been filled. They didn't pick me. They wanted somebody else.
I had even talked myself into believing I wanted that job!
I've been feeling crushed this weekend, like that was my ONE LAST HOPE, and now it's OVER. Yes, I'm being dramatic. Part of it has to do with my fear of failure.
How many times have I shied away from things because I've been paralyzed with fear that I wouldn't be good enough? "I won't do it right. I'll screw it up. I'm not even going to try." Ask my sister who tried to teach me how to quilt. I'm worse than my kids sometimes at giving up if I'm not very good at something. I wonder where they get it from?
Well, that's the old me and I'm starting new.
Now I look failure in the face daily and say, "Hello, my old friend. I'm not scared of you anymore."
How does the quote go? "It's not how many times you fall, but how many times you get up that matters?" Don't let me fool you. I'm really sick of trying to be positive. I'm giving myself a few days to grieve. Then, eventually I'll get up and try again.
5 comments:
This from my mom, though, I think she's quoting my sister.
Everyone gets to have a pity party. You just can't stay on the pot too long or you will get ring around the BUM!!!!
Love you!!! Mom
You have always expected alot out of yourself! And I always want things now. My constant lesson from the Lord is to be patient. I suppose I will continue to be tried that way until I learn. I have been better about it over the last few years. (In some ways. :)
You're an amazing person, Jenn. And someone I have always admired. The right thing will come along, and then you'll realize while the rest didn't work. If it's any consolation, the district job market is competitive right now. 40 applicants instead of 2, etc. *hugs*
Abe Lincoln said "I am not concerned that you have fallen/I am concerned that you ARISE"
It may sound like I have some "wisdom" but really it's just the repetition of "getting up" that I have :)
This too shall pass.
Failure is my old friend, too. I think it's part of the long process of life. Don't take it too seriously. Every failure brings a greater future success. That's no lie! Love you! Grampy
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