Without Offense: The Art of Giving and Receiving Criticism

Warning: this post is a deviation from my fun family story-telling that I normally do. In fact, I posted this for a few hours on Thursday morning before I got scared and thinking that it was too personal I pulled it off the web. I'm bringing it back because one friend saw it that morning and really liked it. She even said whe was getting ready to post a comment when she realized it wasn't there anymore. I want to tell her, thanks for giving me the courage to post this again.

I'm trying to learn what it means to "let your light so shine." And my best guess is that it's probably a lot more than just sharing how great I think my kids are. I know it's not beating myself up either, which is parlty why I chose this motto in the first place, as a way to overcome some of my own habits. But today's post has to do with my testimony of the Savior and what I'm learning about myself and my ability to become like him. It's a little serious so just skip it if you're not in the mood for my contemplations. Anyway...

I've been reading this book Without Offense by John L. Lund and it's helping me, I hope. At least I'm finding insights into myself, as well as things I'd really like to work on.

First I've believed for sometime that God wants me to love Him, to love myself and to love others. This is my interpretation of what it says somewhere in the New Testament about the first and great commandments is to "Love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, might, mind and strength and the second is like unto it, Love thy neighbor as thyself."

Now the hard part: My criticism of others (and of myself) keeps them from feeling my love--even when I think I ought to share criticism with them out of my desire to be "honest."

Oh. Criticism kills compassion and it blocks love. Even if I give it out of love, they can't feel my love, they only feel hurt, not loved.

I've always known I was hard on myself and that I expected a lot out of others. Can't I be a little justified in this because it's just how I am? No?

This has taken over a week to sink in.
My critical thoughts are keeping people from feeling the love I have to give.
The only thing God really wants me to do on earth is to learn to love.
I've been failing.
Oh.
This hurts.

It's actually taken years to sink in. Is this what I was not hearing when people would say, "If it's not edifying don't share it." Or, "It might be honest, but is it necessary?"

Now I'm feeling some of the pain that I've caused the people who are most dear to me. And it hurts. But I like what Dr. Paul has taught me about pain. It's one of the best catalysts for change. Often, it's not until something is truly painful enough that we allow ourselves to fix it.

So, the pain is really a blessing because it's helping me to reflect on something now that I didn't want to see before. I don't think that means I have to like the pain of my failures, but I can be grateful. And I can have hope in what I'm learning. I have hope in change.