Envy, My Deadly Sin

Ok, so maybe it’s not competition that is bad. It’s ENVY.

So here I am deciding to focus on parenting my children and stop focusing on competing in triathlons, thinking maybe this will help me to stop measuring myself against others.
Ha! The measuring myself against others is still there no matter what I’m focusing on. And I find that I feel pretty crappy about the way I measure up.

We’ll take Courtney for example. She’s got 5 kids, and is now single parenting her children in my home for the last two months, while her husband visits on weekends. I’ve been in denial of the fact that I don’t measure up, but let’s face it she’s more patient, kind, loving, better organized, more compassionate…(shall I go on?) with her children than I am with mine. No wonder I was doing a race for every weekend the last 4 or 5 weeks? I was feeling pretty good about myself, comparatively.

When Courtney asked me if she could move in for a few months I laughed and said, “Ross would never go for that.” I was hoping he would say no for me because I wouldn’t. He being the supportive, loving husband that he is opened his home for my good and said, “The sooner the better.” Not wanting to be the bad guy, I tried to agree as readily as he did and here we are now some version of the Brady Bunch or an FLDS compound but not really either.

It’s becoming clear to me that jealousy must really be the most awful sin. I know because of the story Courtney told me when she got home from the park last night.

She came in at 7pm after a long day with five children (one who tests anyone’s energy because he’s 20 months old and into everything all the time). She seemed a little tired and then admitted to us that she had had an embarrassing “Luke moment” at the park. He was throwing a fit. I said, “Well, having a “Luke Moment’ isn’t embarrassing, depending on how you handled it.”

“Yea, I guess it was my reaction to his fit that was embarrassing.” And we chuckled a bit. I mentioned that yes, when I hear people being mean, or yelling at their kids whether at the store, or the park, or the neighbor’s house, it always seems like an ugly sound. And then I realize, “Oh, I sound like that sometimes. How terrible.” But a little part of me is a tiny glad, that I’m not the only one in the world making mistakes. Courtney said, “Yea, when I hear you yell at your children I don’t feel glad, it only makes me want to cry.” She’s one upped me again, she’s more compassionate than me too!

Maybe I’ll find a race to do this weekend.