I've got something on my mind, and it's eating at me in ways that keep me from getting other things done. It's this question--is competition good or bad? You see one of my swimming parents (a parent of one of the kids I coach) made the comment to me, "I'm so glad my son is getting more competitive." And I'm thinking, "Really, is that a good thing?" What about all the negative effects of comparing, and negative self-worth, and crap that come from measuring yourself against others. "Do you really want to encourage kids to do that?"
I didn't actually say any of that. The truth is I'm very competitive. Duh, that's not a revelation to anyone who knows me.
I grew up competing. Not just in swimming but in everything. My parents raced each other in the seperate cars we took home from church. Everything was a competition. In elementary school I wanted to read faster, read more and do better at everything on the playground than all the other kids. In my mind, I pretty much did. Whether that's true or not, who knows, but I remember pretty vividly bringing my high point trophy from summer swimming to third grade show and tell, just because my best friend, Mary Meyer, brought her much smaller trophy for participation the time before. I'm not bragging about this now. I'm actually ashamed that I didn't know how to build my friend up or encourage her. After all these years I'd thought I'd learned better than that, but no.
I found myself having a conversation with Jen Lynsky this week where she admitted not wanting to race me in triathlon because she's so competitive. I laughed it off saying, "It won't hurt our friendship on my end as long as I always beat you." That comment alone probably already hurt our friendship.
After all these years I'd thought I had really progressed by teaching my swimmers to compare themselves only to themselves and their own best time. "It's not about anyone else." "It's about doing your best!" Blah, blah, blah. It's not that I don't believe my own words, because I do, it's just that I'm not living them that bothers me.
So what do you think? Is competition good or bad? Any thoughts?
7 comments:
I'm not competitive by nature. I usually only get frustrated when I feel I haven't performed to the best of my ability. I don't struggle with allowing that someone else might be better than me at one thing or another. It isn't my challenge. I think that competition is good for everyone but I agree with you that perhaps for some it is their challenge to learn to compare themselves to themselves and not to others, And still allow the competition to spur them on to better things in themselves.
I just saw your comment on my blog. I'm glad you found it (I'm glad I've now found yours). You guys are amazing--Salem Spring, Wasatch Back, San Rafael....
I would love to go riding. I cracked my rib a couple weeks ago, so I'm not sure how things are going to be looking for the Utah half. It hurts to run and swimming's kind of out of the quiestion. Biking is ok; it only hurts after I get off the bike.
Anyhow, long post, but I'm up for a bike ride. I did almost 2 hours with my dad the other day--my longest ride ever. It was nice. When do you usually have time to ride? Where are you guys living? I think my parents have your email, so I'll have to write you and get your number and such.
I'm still sososo happy I saw you guys; it seriously made my day. You're both so lovely and kind. Talk to you later.
I think you are right in the fact that our culture, both socially and economically really defines itself in terms of competition. That is to say, we feel like we are good parents if our kids kick butt at a swim meet or give the best perfomance at a recital. We feel like we a re wealthy if we seem to be doing better than our neighbors, or our nation has a higher GDP than China and Japan. We feel like we must be competitive in the marketplace, that we must remain competitive to just survive, let alone thrive.
But what about cooperation? We sort of give lip service to this idea, especially when trying to teach our kids to get along with and work well with others, but its almost like the concept of real cooperation is so foreign to us that we really don't know how to live cooperatively or teach our kids how to maximize their results in life by working with their rivals rather than simply against them.
Your question though, is whether competition is good or bad. I think competition is like fire. I can be very good for you, and it can be very bad for you. It depends on how you use it and what you are trying to accomplish.
OK, I think competition is good, good for you, and can be fun...as long as you don't take it to seriously!
I appreciate your comments. And I think you are all right! It seems to me competing to better myself is good. I'm going to work on all the other stuff.
sml0221Ok, Jenn, I just want you to know that a few ego bruises either way depending who wins is fine. Our friendship is not based upon competition. Nothing you say or do can offend me. My friendship with you will not lessen if I beat you or vice versa. Our friendship is far stronger than a little competition. So, the bottom line is a friendship should be based on so much more than a few silly races. But, if you help me become a better person because of the competition and I learn something about myself, then, thank you. I should feel secure in my own abilities to not allow the competition to hinder our friendship. A few ego bruises will pass, but our friendship will continue to remain. You gotta know that from me. I value our friendship far more.
Jenn,
Does the competition lead you to a better version of you?
That could be the best question?
Competition is good, and can be healthy as long as the journey doesn't mean hurting someone else to get there.
I'm sure you're doing fine.
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